Sunday, August 30, 2009

Luncheon Fellatio

To dispell the mythos surrounding this fabled drink I have decided to lay out the recipe here for my 3 attractive followers.

Be forewarned, this a man's drink.

Step One: Gather Ingredients

What makes this drink so hard to come by in the wild is the exotic mix of ingredients

1 High Ball Glass (or empty tin)
1 Slice of Luncheon Sausage
1 Bottle of Cheap Vodka*
1 Bottle of a Cheap Whiskey/Bourbon/Scotch*
2 Straws
1 Switchblade

*If you prefix the type of spirit you buy with a country you like in a whimsical tone it will always sounds fancy, so why would you buy fancy?

Step Two: The Seal

Place the luncheon slice on a flat surface.
Turn the glass upside down. (IMPORTANT STEP!) Now place the upside down glass on top of the centre of the luncheon and push down hard.
Woo! Yay! You now have a luncheon circle that will fit inside the glass, but don't put it in yet! There's another step to do!

Poke one of the straws through your Luncheon Seal! Now would be a good time to delight your audience with an hilarious anecdote about African FGM!!

Step Three: The River

Turn the glass upright again. (VERY IMPORTANT)

Pour two shots of Iranian vodka into the glass.

Place the Luncheon Seal inside the glass so that it is touching the vodka.Using the edge of your switchblade as a bar spoon pour two shots of Prussian Blue whiskey on top of the luncheon.

Place the Final Straw in the glass and, using your switchblade, cut both straws to the same length.

Step Four: Gather Spectators, Consume, then be sick on them.


William Boothby has described the Luncheon Fellatio as "A delicious mix of subtle texture and flavour, one must consume the luncheon after lest one become a pussy"

Thanks to the SFA for finally giving me the courage to post this. You can visit them here

No comments:

Post a Comment

older folder